Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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