No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Randomize
