Taylor Swift is so right about you.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
