I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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