my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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