dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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