What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
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