too bad you live with your parents still
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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