I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
