He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
