Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Randomize
