Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
