We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
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