You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
