no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Randomize
