I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
