Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
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