Where did you get a picture of my penis
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
you are never too drunk for berry picking
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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