How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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