i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
