Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize
