Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
