I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
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