tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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