dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Who died my cat blue again?
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
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