You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Randomize
