She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
