I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
