my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
