yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Randomize
