She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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