i was rollin on her like bob the builder
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
