i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
