I'm gonna have a badass scar
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
