Well apparently he's into motor boating.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
