This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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