I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
