I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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