eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
how do flat chested girls get laid?
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
