goodnight i made you a song goodbye
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
