I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
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