I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
