I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
