girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
