we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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