Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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