the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
