They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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