Little spoons don't ask big questions
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Randomize
