DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
