he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
