she kept yelling 'call me bella'
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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