people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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