i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
