the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
